radical wacko

I know I haven’t really posted on here in over a year.  Its been a strange year for me and I don’t know that I’ve absorbed it all yet.  Because of this, I haven’t felt any strong urge to spill my soul in words.  But a new year is always a time of reflection, a time to look back and see what you loved and lost during a period of time.  I know it’s an arbitrary point in time, but if there a fixed point to use, it’s as good as any.

It’s been a year of work changes.  I completed my shortest professional stint at a job, just over two years.  I’m impressed that, as a libertarian, I completed over two years at a job where most of my time was spent doing state government consulting.  I can certainly say that the work wasn’t for me, disinterested clients, uninteresting technology, minor accomplishments, etc.  Now, I’m finally completely back being a nerd.  No management, project or personnel.  I thought I this would seem like a step backwards for me, but it really suits me in so many ways.  I can forcefully argue every point in which I firmly believe but at the end of it all, I can relax in the confidence that the decision isn’t mine to make which has freed up an unbelievable amount of peace of mind to focus on that which not only I can control but that which is truly important to me.

Of course, I wish I had found any deep personal meaning out of this time to focus.  Unfortunately, like in so many things, time does not equal wisdom.  My two failed relationships this year has taken a lot of out of me.  I wish I could say that I was somehow the victim of fate or malicious intent, but I have to honestly admit in every case, I just blundered through those glass houses with a pocket full of rocks and a couple of sledgehammers too boot.  For this reason, I’ve been spending the last several months in “confirmed bachelor” mode.

I wish I could say that I’ve done better with my family relationships, but this has been a particularly long and stressful year with my blood relations.  However, I can say, that for the first time, I really am starting to feel like my own person.  Call it a dropping of illusions or even better an opening of one’s eyes, but I can really say now, probably a bit late, but I really know who I am and even better, who I want to be.

I have also found a new joy in the outdoors.  I started cycling during the last year or so, after an extremely long absence.  I had forgotten the joy of the sound of the wind through an otherwise quiet and still world.  The smell of the city as you move from neighborhood to neighborhood, through the various segmentations of plants, trees and other plantings that mark the divisions between areas in an urban landscape.  I know that a car is supposed to be the true gift of freedom of movement in America, but I still say the ability travel distance under your own power and in your own way is the true way to freedom and I’m so happy to have found it again after a long period suffering through rush hour.

As I read over this magnum opus, it feels a bit down, and I guess in a way it is.  This hasn’t by any means been a great year, but it’s been an instructional one which in some ways is much better.  Things have changed and I’ve changed with them.   In that sense, I think it’s a resolution worth continuing.  There are so many things that one can hope for in a new year, but the chance to find out more about what it is to “be you” is something always to be wished for.  Yeah, of course, I’ve got the long list of standard hopes, be healthier, wiser, happier, etc.   However, if I can be more of me that I am now, what more could I hope for . . .

On my way home tonight I came as close to my own demise as I have ever been before.  I was stopped at the corner on my bicycle with a fellow bicyclist next to me and a truck behind me. The car shown on the left, struck a van about a block down the street then hit a Jeep, which flipped over on its roof and somehow continued on down the block at an incredible rate of speed considering it had no front end and slipped behind me by about 5 feet and struck the truck behind me spinning it around.  He couldn’t have been going less than 70 miles an hour in a 35.  Several people were hurt including one of the passengers in the PT Cruiser.  All and all, a very unnerving experience.  Fortunately, the driver of the truck behind me had the presence of mind to realize that he could have avoided the hit by going forward, but instead deciding to take the hit full on rather than run over the two cyclists in front of him.  He’s my new best friend to be sure.

Currently, I’m attempting to bring down the huge amounts adrenaline in my system right now with a nice, strong gin and tonic.  So far it’s not working, but I have confidence that a few more doses and I should start calming down.  It’s a weird feeling I’ve got right now and it’s almost bringing out my old Catholic guilt.  If you look at the photo, you can see a man (one of the passengers) laid out on the street and there were several more injuries.  However, all I could feel and am still feeling now is a sense of overwhelming elation that I escaped unscathed.  Additionally, for the last few hours, colors have seen brighter and sharper than I can ever recall them being.  I’m sure it’s all a cliche and probably nothing more than an overly excited nervous system, but still a strange feeling.

I hope everyone ends up being ok and I’ll drink to my health and theirs . . .

Well, it’s been a long while since I last put up one of these long winded life updates. Well, considering that I’m currently sitting in a giant cylindrical tube hurtling towards Los Angeles at improbable speeds, I figure I don’t have anything better to do.

It’s been a hectic last few months. After almost five years at Advanced Academics, I have changed jobs. I think the simplest way to say it was that the stress finally got to me. Five years of constantly being on call, working almost every weekend, thinking about the job day and night. Well, there’s only so long you can keep that up, at least as someone else’s employee, and I reached that point. Of course, I’ve now become one of those dreaded and loathed technical consultants, but being on the dark side has a lot less stress. I’m currently contracted at Chesapeake Energy, an enormous natural gas concern headquartered in Oklahoma City. Considering that I know absolutely nothing about the oil and natural gas industry, it’s a little scary. However, after a decade in educational technology, a little change of pace is a good thing.

Outside of the work front, things are starting to get much better. Now that I have my evenings mostly free, I’m starting to get caught up enough to have a sort of regular routine. I’ve even gone so far as to start dating again which is so out of character for me that some are trying to forcibly commit me. All and all things are good and getting better all the time.

As I write this, I’m currently on my way to Hawaii for a week in the sun and surf. I’ll try to post a few travelogue entries though we’ll have to see how bad the hangovers are . . .